Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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