good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
