I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
