I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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