Soap is not a condiment
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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