Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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