Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
