all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm having to shit out rocks
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
