i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
