Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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