i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
