If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
