Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
