My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
