Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry about my life...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
