I think i peed on brittanys purse
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
