she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
