Having a random hookup so left but love u
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
