The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
