dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
