Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
