I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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