is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
