She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
