Don't you send me to vm
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
