my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
