there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
