I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
