listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
