My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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