I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
