we have pet lesbian snakes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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