How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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