just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
