What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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