she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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