you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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