So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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