You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
