walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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