I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
