Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
