I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
