We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
