We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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