shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
