Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
