I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
