Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
