you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
