youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
