new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
